Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ho Ho Hopeful

Any time now.

There will be  a slew of Why I Hate Christmas-Christmas Sucks-Christmas Is So Commercial-Bah Humbug posts scattered across the Internets.

This isn’t one of them.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had some bad Christmas’s. Not bad as in good. Bad as in Oh Please Never Let Us Have To Do That Again bad.

I’ve managed to be in the hospital for two of them. Once when I was ten and the other as part of last year’s Hospital Tour ‘09.

I got the tree up, I was able to Ooo. I didn’t get to  the Ahh. 

That wasn’t too much fun.

Then there was the bad Christmas. When my sister, L, was here.

Dying.

When the cancer went to her brain four days before Christmas and she wasn’t able to speak coherently. When she knew she wasn’t making sense. And there was nothing we could do to make it better. Or even bearable.

Yes. That was the worst one. Ever.

Oh Please Never Let Us Have To Do That Again.

But we had really great Christmas’s too.

One when L and I were much, much younger. We were camping out by the tree, laying with our blankets all around us. The Queen was in the kitchen making tea. I remember hearing the kettle whistling as L and I had snuggled ourselves in.

Then we heard bells.

Yes. Bells. Not church bells. Soft jingly bells.

When we excitedly told mom, she humored us as a good mom would. Though I don’t think believed us, to this day I swear we heard them.
When morning came we jumped up and found books, skirts mom had made, and the best present.

We each got crochet hooks!

I know. But at the time we were thrilled. Mine was a pearly green and L’s was a pearly blue. And with them we were going to crochet just like mommy! We would make scarves and hats!

It would be awesome!

Well, we tried. It looked like popcorn. It was quite sad actually. I never got the hang of it. I also never had the patience to be honest. L tried for much longer and if I remember may have made a scarf at some point.

That was a really great one.

Then there was the Christmas when Uncle and L were home. After we ate we ran around playing with some Dollar Tree toys I had picked up. Then we smoked, came inside, had cookies and coffee, then we played some more. We were up until at least two in the morning. Which by my own sleep habits isn’t late I know, but The Queen and Uncle were and are no later than 10 people. So it was very special for us all to be up that late.
I couldn’t tell you what kind of cookies we had or what exactly we talked about, but I do remember us all running around and laughing. Laughing so hard that the cats ran and hide. Laughing so hard we had to catch our breathe. A good laughing.

That was the best Christmas.

Ever.

This Christmas won’t be great. But it won’t be bad either. I do think we can get to a good Christmas.

And that won’t suck at all.

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