Well. When we last left off I was having one heck of a time with several of my doctors.
There wasn’t a call back before I left. So I headed on to dialysis filled with my anxiety (shocker).
They were a bit backed up so I had to wait. They finally called me in at about 5:30. Yes. I was there at 3:45.
But the fun was just starting. Dr. Neph was there.
“How are you?” he asked.
”Not so great.” I answered.
”What’s the matter?”
“I’ve been anxious before dialysis. I’ve called.”
”Why are you anxious?”
”People are sticking needles in my leg. And then I worry if everything will work and all of that.”
”No. Why are you anxious?”
What the fuck is he talking about? I’m pretty smart. Yet I’m not understanding why he’s asking me that. I’m sure I just answered that question. Did he want a textbook answer about the diagnosis of anxiety? Perhaps some theory related to the psychology of anxiety? I have no clue.
Here I start to get the snippy annoyed on the verge of sarcasm tone. I know I am, even I can hear it.
“What?” I asked
He then looks at me and starts to say to talk to Dr. Prime.
I am rude and interrupt.
”I have. He said to talk to you. It is a dialysis problem. I am only anxious here, not at home. It falls to you.” I say.
He then looks at me with this amused smirk like I’m making it up. I really hate that look.
“You know what. You give him a call and you two hash out what you want each other to take care of.” I say.
He then writes out a script for ten Xanax to see if they work.
Now was that so damn hard?
Was it terribly necessary to go through all that?
He really should know by now that I don’t want to deal with him if I don’t have to.
And he me.
So why drag out anything.
Friday The Queen and I went grocery shopping and I dropped off the script. I had Mr. Gow pick it up later.
Then on Saturday I took one on the way to the hospital so it would be working when it was my time.
I think it worked okay. It brought my anxiety level down to what I believe to be a normal amount.
Even though a nurse who never did my needles before put me on, I was just regular nervous. No crying, or freaking out.
(He did a great job by the way. Now there are three I trust. Yay!)
I thought it all went much better.
I will always be nervous when they do the needles. They just can’t give me enough medication to stop that. But being able to relax once they are in, that was nice.
And the not crying part. Yeah that’s nice too.
We’ll see how Tuesday goes. But if it goes as well as Saturday, it will be okay with me.